http://men.msn.com/articlees.aspx?cp-documentid=5981523&GT1=10823

I love the way that article was written. That and it pretty much holds true. If I had the guts, I'd do it too.

P.S.-I just had a pretty big discussion about the article with someone else who had a differing viewpoint. If you want to talk about it, IM me or something. I'll be glad to talk.

(note: they changed the link. last i checked, it changed to something about style instead of being about a secluded tribe in south america that hadn't had civilized contact possibly ever.)

I got my visa.

Holy geez. This is really gonna happen.

...

!

I wish I could change the name of my xanga but I don't want to lose the literal years of writing on here. I do realize that I wrote some pretty ridiculous things in high school but... well... I wrote them. They're mine and, chances are in a few years, I'll find the entry I'm writing now to be completely unimportant and instead will rant and rave about things that fascinate me. Or maybe by that point, xanga will be a fond but distant memory, just like opendiary is now. Actually, frankly, I don't miss that thing a bit. Too much drama but I do wish I had some of my first entries from the beginning of high school or whenever it was I started that thing many moons ago.

I'm finding home to be rather boring. Yes, I have some friends here that I hang out with, but I'm really not using my time to the best of its ability. I'm finding myself glued to the television (something that didn't happen at school...thank you lack of cable), watching ridiculous shows and not changing the channel because frankly...the dog literally ate the remote or at least stashed it somewhere and didn't feel the compassion to direct us to its location. What a pal. Regardless, this break is making me a complete and utter bum. I'm not liking it. Yes, things will pick up in a couple weeks, but until then I'm stuck. I'm not getting the hours I need at work. I'm seeing my friends occasionally but they're busy too. Life is moving around me and I'm stuck.

I keep getting the feeling that New Zealand is going to be big. BIG big. Big as in "Missy this will determine huge amounts in your life". It still doesn't feel like it's going to happen...like I'm going to screw something up. Everything substantial is out of my hands right now. I'm waiting on my visa and get really apprehensive about it. If that doesn't come in time, I eat plane tickets. Please pray that I get it before the 8th. Heck...I'll even take it the 8th. Or the 12th. Just not the 13th =. Freaking out aside, I feel like career choices might be a result of this trip. Of course, I'm going to have that little faith for a romance or whatever, but that's not mandatory. I guess I could just compare to this to a tsunami...looming quietly in the distance but will soon wash over and change everything.

..for the best, I hope.

I'm starting to get this idea in my head that I have no idea what is going on in life. My friends and I are becoming adults and not actually just taking on the title. My good friend is engaged to the love of her life and is expecting a little girl in May. My friends and I go out to lunch and talk politics and about our future. My decisions are actually ones that will affect my future and who and what will be involved in it.

Holy crap... when did this happen?

I'm a relatively young lass of some twenty summers. I don't claim to know the answers to everything nor will I ever come close to actually knowing it all. I thought I had it figured out what I want to do after a period of huge stress and anxiety. Now...it feels that no matter what degree I go for or what I pursue, my purpose in life will have nothing to do with my degree. Nothing to do with any sheet of paper that says what career I chose.

I wish I could understand my own subconscious. I know there are plenty of underlying things going on in my brain that my present logic just ignores. I wish someone could open up my head, take a peek, and tell me what to do in certain situations. "Missy...your frontal lobe looks like hamburger. Oh, and don't take that job" "Missy, you need to pursue this option" "Missy...go with the linguine. It's fabulous". I wish that I could do what I felt was right for me and actually know what that would be. I really can't stand that a lot of what I determine is actually determined by how it affects other people and how they'll see me. I have already made some big changes in my life this past semester and am about to probably endure the biggest of them yet in the upcoming.

I am thankful, however, for my friends and family that have gotten me to where I am today. My parents have stood up for me through thick and thin and have always loved me no matter how lazy/forgetful/stubborn I am. My sisters are THE best in the world. Seriously. You beg to differ? We'll duke it out. My friends don't hit me in the face whenever I call them multiple times about stupid decisions or things I've done recently. They tell me honestly what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. I've met people in my life that have told me what I wanted to hear and it most definitely did not progress me as a person.

I think it ultimately comes down to what I want. What do I want to accomplish in my lifetime...in the next twenty years (hopefully that's not the entirety of my lifetime...eek!)...or even tomorrow. I want to take risks. I want to fall so madly in love that I will still get butterflies when I see them forty years from now. I want to greatly and positively affect all the people I can in the years I have left. I don't know about you guys, but these past few years have flown by. I'm supposed to graduate college in a year and a half...I feel like I'm just now starting.

Hellllloooo life journey. I'm Missy. *extends hand*