I was gonna wait until I got my grade for CA so that I would write this but...it still applies. God is saving my tail. Credit card payments, last minute redos for graphic design, staying up late the last day I possibly should, and Kinkos printing my stuff really fast...I've managed to pull through. Granted, I am loopy enough right now that, even at work, I'm finding myself talking to myself. Regardless, God is good.

*edit* God's still good even though things are almost completely upside-down *end edit*

I'm not sure what I'm going to miss more. Crazy faces? Late nights taking over the couch? Take Home Chef? Weird tired dancing? "She's so cute when she swears"? "Did you take your meds?" Medians? Chinese rice? Pancakes at 1 in the morning? "Should I buy this on Ebay?" Venting sessions?

I can't choose.

=

...or so it seems.

I'm in the library right now on a computer whose keys like to be obnoxiously loud and stick entirely too much. I'm just passing time until Bec finishes her ...whatever it is (brainfart) so that we can go glaze some mugs.

The past day or two I've been in a bit of a funk. I know what it relates to but I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just crazy. Speaking of which, we had a discussion today about psychotics and amputation of limbs today in my graphic design class...last time I'll be able to have such odd discussions with that group of people. Another guy sang a bad Motley Crue song. Good times.

A week and a half until I am finished with school this semester. Hoo. ray.

Why does God always seem to test me with things that I want more than anything but probably shouldn't have?

And why can other people have what I want but it's okay for them and not for me?

Explain it to me.

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good
__________________________-

I need a break.

So...this weekend's been interesting. I found out I had to redo my three posters for Monday, had my harddrive crash yesterday and spent most of the time trying to get my files back. Now, instead of working on my poster, I'm burning pictures so that I won't risk losing them again. Tonight will be spent at the art building finishing up a sloth and hoping that my tree branches don't fall off.

Eek.

I love it when my stomach likes to make noises riiiight when people come by my desk and talk to me. Way to go, insides.

I realized that I became one of those xangans who reads other people's stuff but then doesn't update theirs for...say...about two weeks. Forgive meeeeeee...

I am pretty sure I'm not the first to say this, but I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break more than anything right now. I have a TON of work to do before that Wednesday we have off. I'm wanting to do it well, which means I'll have to invest a lot of time in it...aka not breathe this weekend. I thought I'd be off the hook, but no...that's not the case. Wish me luck.

That's all I gotta say.

I was just sitting here at work, waiting for the last hour to end when I felt this urge to go to the hospital and see Jason. I found a sort of comfort going there...driving the half an hour in anticipation of being able to stand beside him and rub his arm as he slept. Thing is...he's not there anymore... remembered that I've totally abandoned telling you guys about him. He's actually back in Oregon now and has been for a couple of weeks. The university up there is performing some studies up there with him with helping his speech, movement, etc for free. They get research, he gets help. I spoke to him about a week and a half ago. He's doing really well. He told me about what he's done lately, granted it wasn't elaborate since he's still a bit out of it. He's walking a lot more now...up to a mile, I believe. His family is in an entirely better mood. His dad is chipper on the phone and is definitely less stressed than he was before. Ultimately, things are going very, VERY well.

righty boy

It's weird. You'd think I'd want to run away from God again and try to fix things myself again but I'm finding myself doing the opposite. I'm incapable of doing things on my own and cannot rely on my own strength because it simply isn't enough. When my heart is troubled, I have a tendency to either tell no one or start out telling one, two, four, eight people...and then feel like I cannot handle my problems. I found myself praying for strength and, strangely enough, for the people involved. I wasn't being completely selfish and praying just for myself or for things not to happen...I found myself concerned with other's spiritual lives. I've learned lately from some people dear to me that true friendship and love is supporting your loved one's decisions, even if they go against yours or even take them away from you for a while, if not forever. It's tough but necessary.

There's about to be some big changes that I'm going to be a part of. Well, two big changes, but I'm asking for prayer regarding one that doesn't directly impact me the most. We're cutting ties and we need all the strength and prayer we can get. Seriously. Please pray that the people involved have strength and courage to do what they need to do and that God is present in what is about to happen.